Y"C'mon! You said Kathy! C'mon! " "Did you people forget what it is like down here?"
"At some point direct answers to direct questions would be nice!"
I had this day all planned out. Two clients scheduled for energy work, lunch, house inspection, celebration, call friends to tell them my good news, sleep.....with dreams of fabrics, colors, appliances, picnics....
What is it they say? If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans?
I've also heard that rain is happy tears from Heaven or that they are peeing in Heaven. Either way, something is happening and it seems to be at my expense.
"Damn it. You said Kathy!"
This was code for buy the house. We had a talk. I got an answer, I made a bid, the bid was accepted, the inspection went.... TERRIBLE.
Apparently there are still concrete shingles on houses built from the 1890's. They are also apparently covered with some slate, some tar, some fiberglass and some asphalt for good measure. There is also this little nuisance called chimney repointing. It is expensive. No worries, however because it won't be as expensive as the roof replacement. Also, there is asbestos, but no worries on that either, as long as you don't bother it, it won't bother you. That smell in the basement is most likely animals nesting in the boards between the porch and the ceiling of the chimney. They will leave when it is warmer. The Barn? We don't inspect that, but it does look "iffy." Have you ever heard of knob and tube? Well, it is known to cause fires and most insurances won't insure your house until it is removed, but luckily it isn't in all of the wiring. It shouldn't cost too much to replace........
"With a nice paint job, new roof, porch, wiring, chimney work, knob and tube fixed, asbestos wrapped this is going to be a beauty of a home."
Yeah. Great. Cool. Can't wait.
Now what? What was the sense of all of this guidance from my guides if the guidance I got was to stare over a cliff? Or worse, to buy a house that will surely push me over the cliff. Why would I be put in this position at all? Okay, I am going to go into my "WTF?!" rant at any moment. This is NOT what was supposed to happen. I heard you. You said Kathy. I met Kathy and her children. We were going to be friends. I listened. I followed you to this house. It was meant to be. Now what?
"You know we can offer guidance, but you have to also use your own judgement. There are always discoveries to be made when you engage in life. That which you believe is to be is not always so and what you are so sure of is usually not so solid. You are good to hear us, good to follow us because we do assist, but you live." "When you choose to live consciously so much is revealed, but only when ask not "why' rather "how" will you truly understand," You asked for safety. You asked for security. You wanted certainty. We remind you that in all of life you have safety, security and certainty when you choose discernment."
"How do I follow your guidance as well as my own intuition and still make the right choice? Can't you just say directly what I should do? Wouldn't it be easier all around?"
"Easy isn't an experience. Patience, love, kindness, understanding, anger, laughter, sadness, ecstasy, sorrow, wonderment, taste, smell, touch, those are experiences. Your anger brings you softness, your tears bring you joy and your laughter brings togetherness, warmth, joy. Those are experiences that easy doesn't offer."
"I don't want to buy this house." I am glad I went through all of this trouble because it has made me trust you as well as myself more. Our connection has grown, but I am not buying this house." "Could you give me a sign of approval?"
Yeah...that's what I expected. So much for dialogue.
A cup of tea, my blanket, my bed. pillow and ding, ding, ding. My phone ...face book... OH! Wonderful comments about my blog. Wow! Wiping away a few stray tears from the day I see an old high school friend posted about my latest blog. Chris really liked my blog and is looking forward to reading more! YAY!
"Thanks Chris! I really appreciate your comment. Means a lot to me".
"You are welcome, you little chatty Kathy you."
Huh? What? OMG! Chris!
I'm not buying the house. I'm going to keep looking and keep listening and wow! Chris, thank you. Thank you.
"We will use any tool available to love you. We have many ways. We especially enjoy using electronic devices and friends."
"Our code name will be Kathy".
That is the message I received when asking my guides for advice on whether or not to purchase an 1890 Victorian Farmhouse with a 3 story barn on a 1/4 acre of land in a not so perfect neighborhood in an urban area of a somewhat dying city. Yes, a farmhouse with a barn on only a 1/4 of an acre of land in a very diverse neighborhood in the center of a downtrodden city and the code word is Kathy. Yeah, that'll work. Thanks for the help. I'll go look at this other house that is way more suited for me with cute porches, a nice yard, away from the city, in my price range and doesn't have a ginormeous barn in its back yard.
One word text from my son to my husband after looking at the "perfect" out of town house of my choosing. DUMP. Nothing more needed to be said on the drive back to my higher end suburban house in the upper crust of the Berkshires. My son, not feeling well on this day, reclined back in the front see taking a bit of a shut eye moment while I once again ask my guides what to do.
"Did I make the right decision to walk away from this house?" "Why won't you answer me?"
My annoyance growing more and more pronounced as I contemplate my dilemma with my sons constant dinging on his phone from the billion texts coming in.
"Our code name will be Kathy."
"Yeah, I heard you the last time." "I'll hold my breath on that one."
"Alex, my word, what the heck are all these messages about?!"
"Yeah, I know mom, they are certainly a bunch of chatty Kathy's today."
What? Did he just say "chatty Kathy's?" Yup.
"Our code name is Kathy." "Go look at the farmhouse."
So yeah, the interior is gorgeous! Totally renovated, wood floors, 2 baths, great kitchen, built ins, sun porches, hidden staircases, butlers kitchen from the 1800's, charm galore and a huge barn. No land, old roof, needs a paint job and did I say, no land and somewhat shaky neighborhood, 127 year old house. No closets. Le'ts put in a offer. Offer accepted. SHIT.
"You will get killed in that neighborhood."
"You do know how much can go wrong with an old house."
"There is NO land. YOU need land."
"Are you f'n kidding me??!!"
"Feng Shui says you can't live on a ledge. It is on a ledge."
"You won't be supported." "Feng Shui is Form before Formula." Huh???
Helpful friends.... Panic attack.....wrong decision....stupid move....going to die....drive by every free moment and look at all that is going to cause my demise...
"The code word is Kathy."
"Shut up, Can you not see I'm in crisis mode?"
Time to drive thru the neighborhood for the quadrillionth time, kick myself for all that is going to happen and worry about all that could be wrong with the house all without waiting for the inspection on Tuesday. Park in front of the house that I might be shot in while noticing the non existent yard that will not support me, watch the roof that may or may not be leaking and focus on the paint that is chipping on the huge front porch that I won't be able to enjoy for whatever reason I scare myself into believing. Code name is Kathy my ass.
Now here I sit, in front of the house, watching people come and go, cars drive by and a lovely woman walking 5 little kids. I've seen her before on my first one thousand trips by. Doesn't she know that this is a rough neighborhood and she and her kids are without land, poor feng shuied and will most likely be robbed and murdered? Better go talk to her.
"Oh! You are buying that house? You are SO LUCKY! It has such a great barn, more land than my house around the corner, such a beautiful porch, great sunsets from behind that barn, neighborhood is so diverse and rich with culture. We love it here. We came to raise these beautiful foster children. It is a great place to live. The houses are starting to come back and with more and more people coming into these houses, slowly but surely it is becoming a wonderful young neighborhood of families and the downtown is really shining. I am so excited to hear you are moving in!"
"Thanks, you have really eased my worries. I was quite concerned. Our inspection is on Tuesday, so we won't know for sure if there is anything of structural concern, but at least I feel safe. Thank you so much. My name is Jennifer."
"Hi Jennifer, my name is Kathy and I am sure it will all work out and even if it doesn't, you wont' know until the inspection, so for now, just be excited for the new beginnings you are making!"
"Our code name is Kathy."
I was super lucky today to have had the morning off from my usually ridiculously busy Wednesday "service day". I call my work days "service days" because, quite frankly, I am in service to others on these days. As soon as I accepted my calling as a Metaphysical and Holistic Practitioner, I realized that my days of "service" would be many and I needed to really take this role seriously and learn to set boundaries, hours, days, email times, phone times and deal with whatever "times" came up in this new career I was dropped into. Overall, it's been a manageable challenge. I have "service days" and my days. Not so tough. Definitely not as tough as the living the gender I chose to incarnate this time around. Being a woman. is a continual challenge of manageability. We manage our personal lives, our love lives, our family lives, our work lives, our kids schedules, our husband's schedule, our parents (if elderly) schedules, our parents questions (married yet? kids yet? job yet?). Sometimes we manage our bosses' schedules, our PTO schedule, our grocery lists, our meal plannings and that is to name a few... On top of this we manage our monthly schedule! Yes, we do that too! All the while we try to manage time for our selves. Our inner selves, our vulnerable selves, our quiet selves, our messy selves, our noisy selves, our pensive selves, our angry selves, sad selves and our happy selves
We manage a lot!
So on this International day of Women, I propose we women manage this too;
Let's manage to love each other in our full naked vulnerability. Let's come together as women in all of our glorious high vibration being and let's communicate with one another with unfiltered honesty and really listen with unfiltered ears. Let's assist one another without fear of competition, dance with each other's songs, sing with each others words, laugh with our full being, love with our full soul, cry with our walls crumbled down, yell with the force of our volcanic emotions and understand each other with our divine femininity. Let us not judge one another. Let us not hate one another. Let us not ignore one other and most importantly, let us not fear one another. We can manage that.
I had the oddest dream last night. I somehow found myself being chased by a man who I think I know/knew, who had the ability to turn into a monster, (I know...different kind of monster), while I had the ability to shape shift into a child or my adult self. This man was chasing me until I shape shifted into a child again where I hid among a large group of homeless children. While I was hidden, he was stalking. He knew I was there, but couldn't find me as a child. Somehow he was able to fish me out and I ran while becoming an adult again. He caught me and I woke up.
Hate those dreams.
Fast forward 2 hours later, there I sit in the living room of my mentor/teacher/friend, Lainey, going into deep transformational meditation during my coaching lesson. I find myself enjoying a peaceful moment, time to breathe and feel...really feel peace. I see a feather fall towards and a paper that says "Sacred Contract" appears below the feather. It is signed by the feather with my name. I then turn to see a golden field surround me. It reminds me of long golden wheat miles and miles long, but it is gold energy. Miles away I see a large door. I'm in no hurry to open the door, as I am enjoying my field. I find myself closer and closer to the door, yet in no hurry to open it or go through it in anyway. I notice my mentor, Lainey a few hundred feet away from me in the field. We wave and go back to enjoying the gold surrounding us. Moments later, heads of people pop up everywhere and overpower my field, turning it murky and muddy. Dark. Oily. I rise away from my field and go through the red doors where I am surrounded by smoke. Brown/black smoke where I don't really know where I am or what I am doing. Not frightened, but very smokey. I wait while I see what is next. A few moments later many bright white light figures come out to place their hands on me. Downloading me, I assume. I tell them that I need to get back to my life. I have bills to pay. They laugh at me and tell me it is under control. Rest. Allow. Be.
As I come out of the meditative state, Lainey assures me that it's just perfect. I've left behind one sacred contract in my life, moseyed on through the fields of transformation into the shadow of darkness only to find the light. All after being chased into adulthood by a scary monster.
All in a days work....
Embrace the messiness of your dreams and love the messiness of your days! I'll keep you posted on what is transforming in my messy life.
It is a very beautiful early March Saturday. The sun is radiant, the wind is roaring and it is an unseasonably friged 6 degrees here in Western Massachusetts. The sort of day where heavy blankets and wood fire heat come in pretty darned handy. That and a GREAT book. Today I have chosen to utilize my blanket, my fire and embrace my total unwillingness to be a "brave Yankee" and park my butt on the couch with a great book. Today's (most likely the entire weekend) read is "The Truth of All That is." by Amelia Bert.
Amelia Bert is a communicator, in communication, with Angels. She wasn't born with this particular gift, but in recognizing her desire to communicate with her "higher self" she crafted a mental communication with Angels. As she states in her preface, she "was not born with the gift of mental communication; I crafted it, and so can you; we are all special in this way." YES!
I was fortunate to have been born with "the gift" but unfortunately, it took a few (a lot) of swift and very painful tumbles (falls) to not only claim these gifts, but to accept them and open up to others about them and ultimately utilize them in which ever way Spirit directs me on any given day. I LOVE that Amelia had courage enough to craft what I didn't have the courage for far to long to accept. She is a rock star in my eyes.
During her meditations she asked "Who are you?" and the response in true Angel form responded;
"We are the energy that flows through you and for you. We are the alignment of your desires; we are the answer to your inquiry. You asked us here and we responded. You are leading the way and we follow. We understand your journey and we help you achieve it. We are your guidance."
So here I sit, on this ridiculously cold March Saturday, reading the words that Angels want me to read.
"The time you read this book, it is not coincidence. You have been brought into this moment by your Spiritual Team that stays in the Divine and guides you every step along the way. This is the time to let go of old beliefs. Embrace the wholeness of what you are."
I hope this message finds you. If it does, it is your time to read this with me. It is our time to bring change, offer support, be love, add light, embrace life, walk in peace and jump in joy.
Let's begin this journey together in the unity of light, love and truth. Below is a link for the book if you are interested in purchasing from Amazon. Leave me comments, start a discussion, ask questions. Connect! This is a nurturing page for sprouting seeds! Let's Sprout!
Sending love, light and a bit of messiness your way.